I'm Back

My lovely wife sent me away to the Benedictine monastery of St. Leo Abbey for a weekend retreat for my birthday. It was good to get away and have some alone time with my God. At the same time nothing can make you more spiritually squirmy than an extended period of silence & solitude. I enjoyed hanging out with the monks for prayers and meals, but the rest of the time it was just me, my thoughts and the Ancient of Days.

I got some good reading done. I finished off A Short History of the Mass by Alfred McBride, and How to be a Monastic and Not Leave Your Day Job by Brother Benet Tvedten. I took some great pictures--you can see them here. I got in some good prayer time & received some ministry from a Korean Benedictine priest who lives the monastic life in a small, one road central Florida town. I meditated on the prayer below by Thomas Merton.

With so many things up in the air right now--and only some that I can share with more than a select few--I found this prayer particularly timely. I did get some things settled and reconnected with an important part of who I am that will shape who I will be. There are still some unanswered questions and uneasy discussions to come, but I am finding more peace along the way.

My Lord God

I have no idea where I am going.

I do not see the road ahead of me.

I cannot know for certain where it will end.

Nor do I really understand myself.

And the fact that I think I am following Your will

does not mean I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you

does in fact please you.

And I hope I have the desire in all that I am doing.

I hope that I will never do anything apart from that desire.

And I know that if I do this you will lead me by the right road

though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore will I trust you always

though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.

I will not fear for you are ever with me

and you will never leave me to face my troubles alone.

(from Thoughts in Solitude)

"Once you go Vatican, you can't go back again"

This one's for my buddy Alan...

the Body of Christ

My good friend Alan has decided to cross back over the Tiber and reconnect with his Catholic roots. I'm very happy for him. We have many shared hopes & dreams for the future--not to mention freakishly similar pasts. He posted these words by John Wesley written to a Roman Catholic. There is much wisdom in these simple words to goevern the way we relate to those united together in Christ.

Then, if we cannot as yet think alike in all things, at least we may love alike. Herein we cannot possibly do amiss. For of one point none can doubt a moment, -- ‘God is love; and he that dwelleth in love dwelleth in God, and God in him.’

In the name, then, and in the strength of God, let us resolve first, not to hurt one another; to do nothing unkind or unfriendly to each other, nothing which we would not have done to ourselves. Rather let us endeavor after every instance of a. kind, friendly, and Christian behavior towards each other.

Let us resolve secondly, God being our helper, to speak nothing harsh or unkind of each other. The sure way to avoid this is to say all the good we can both of and to one another; in all our conversation, either with or concerning each other, to use only the language of love to speak with all Softness and tenderness, with the most endearing expression which is consistent with truth and sincerity.

Let us, thirdly, resolve to harbor no unkind thought, no unfriendly temper, towards each other. Let us lay the axe to the root of the tree; let us examine all that rises in our heart, and suffer no disposition there which is contrary to tender affection. Then shall we easily refrain from unkind actions and word~ when the very root of bitterness is cut up.

Let us, fourthly, endeavor to help each other on in what­ever we are agreed leads to the kingdom. So far as we can, let us always rejoice to strengthen each other’s hands in God. Above all, let us each take heed to himself (since each must give an account of himself to God) that he fall not short of the religion of love, that he be not condemned in that he himself approveth. O let you and I (whatever others do) press on to the prize of our high calling! that, being justified by faith, we may have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ; that we may rejoice in God through Jesus Christ, by whom we have received the atonement; that the love of God may be shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Ghost which is given unto us. Let us count all things but loss for the excellency of the knowledge of Jesus Christ our Lord; being ready for Him to suffer the loss of all things, and counting them but dung that we may win Christ.--I am

Your affectionate servant for Christ’s sake.

what the hell?!

One of us got a better deal than the other

I lucked out, but poor Lisa is stuck with Rummy!!

king of the jungle

I took Brant's challenge & soundly defeated him. Now I challenge you to beat me! Can your monkey defeat me??

Making it Big on Easter

Christ is Risen!
He is Risen Indeed!

Our community concluded our celebration of the Easter Triduum last night with our Easter Vigil service. Today we'll gather for our annual Easter egg hunt and Resurrection celebration. Our community was also featured in a front page article in our local paper, The Lakeland Ledger, about "alternative" churches. Here's a link to the story. This is the photo from the front page:

Reflecting

Before I get to my thoughts about Thinspace last weekend I just have to share a quick story. Lisa, the girls and I went to a Lenten Fish Fry sponsored by the Church of the Resurrection Catholic church. As we were enjoying our dinner Lisa made a profound observation. Here we were, a new young family, not members of this church and nobody tried to talk us in to joining their church or coming to their service. Everyone was very friendly. Several people stopped by to comment on Clare. The pastor was there having dinner with some people. It was a church community event done for the sake of having a community event & not a covert outreach program. Imagine that.

It's been a week since my trip up north for the feast of St. Patrick. All week. So much was crammed into such a small time I'm still trying to unpack it all in my head (and unpack my suitcase). I think the the most powerful result has been a rekindling of some of the vision & passion that Lisa & I have had for the kind of church we want to build. Over the years we've been so buffeted and banged up by life that we slowly lost sight of the vision God gave us. Seeing the community at Vineyard Central living out a similar calling reminded us of what we once held so dear. Being able to taste & see what God is doing there jogged our memories.

The other big thing I took away from the weekend was a real sense of belonging. It's easy to feel alone & isolated sometimes when you don't have a connection with many others on the same journey going through the same experiences. It's one thing to rely on keeping up with blogs, but it's really something else to gather in one place with fellow sojuorners and share our stories.

The guys at VC recorded all of the sessions and made them available as podcasts. My personal favorite for the weekend was Todd Hunter on Friday night.

Others have had some time to blog about their experiences:

• Alan
• KRains
• Bishops
• Peter White

good weekend

I'm sitting in the living room at the Brownhouse in Cincy. We've wrapped up Thinspace and it was a great time. I've enjoyed meeting the people behind the blogs I read and reconnecting with other good friends. It's always refreshing to gather with other people who are traveling along the same journey. It'll take some time to digest the discussion we've had and I'll have to come back to those soon.

Please don't molest the gators!

Just got back from our community's camping trip at Hillsborough River State Park (click here for pictures). I think everyone had a really good time. I held up pretty well dispite some lingering back pain from my accident. Last night one of the adults took the kids on a flashlight hike. The went down to an overlook are by the river. My Mary noticed two glowing eyeballs in the water as she scanned the surface with her flashlight. Sooon they were all lighting up the gator & watching it swim back & forth as it moved closer to the shore. Then all of the sudden it made a loud splashing noise as if it was lunging out of the river. Everyone screamed & took off running. Fortunately, no one became a gator snack. I guess that's why they put up signs like this one...

Ouch!

I was in a car accident yesterday afternoon. I guess it was only a matter of time when I have 100 mile roundtrip commute everyday for work. I was taking a short cut on some surface streets in Tampa because the interstate was backed up. A woman in a small Toyota Tacoma pickup truck pulled out from a side street right in front of me. I was going about 30 mph & barely had time to hit the brakes. I hit my knees on the dash and had neck/back pain. I also got a nice seatbelt burn on my neck. EMS put a c-collar on me, strapped me to a backboard & took me to the ER. Backboards are NOT comfortable. My xrays checked out & I was realsed after 4 hrs in the hospital. Today I am sore all over & most of my neck, back, shoulder & chest muscles are very tense. Fortunately my airbags did not deploy because my front end nosed down when I hit the brakes. Now I've got to deal with all the hassles of getting the car repaired, getting a rental & dealing with her insurance company (Infinity) which has been less than helpful so far. My insurance company (State Farm) has been great--you get what you pay for. Of course the irony here is that I am a Claims Manager for Personal Injury auto claims for another insurance company (Mercury).

another mystery solved

No more wondering about where sausages come from; now I know thanks to our visit to Cypress Gardens on Saturday.

beg, borrow & steal

When you can't think of anything to blog about, link to other people's blogs...

I'm not even sure where to begin about this post from Brant.

Kyle does a great job discussing Lent.

This parable by Bish will get you thinking.

stuff on the eve of lent

It's been a while so here are some random thoughts for today:

1. I'm looking forward to Lent starting tomorrow. I like the idea of having those 40 days set aside to reset & reboost my spiritual batteries. There's something about having a period of time set aside for some intrspection that can't help but be fruitful.

2. I was invited to share about Lent & Ash Wednesday to a small group from another church in town a couple weeks ago. The family hosting/leading that group was once part of our community. They left us to get involved at another church & we blessed them on their way. It was really neat to see the influence we had on them & how they're influencing others. Their meeting was pretty much a carbon copy of our gatherings: sharing dinner, sharing needs, sharing scripture, sharing communion, and sharing dessert.

3. Speaking of our community, we are no longer associated with the Vineyard. We reached an impasse over the Vineyard's insistance that we sign a trademark agreement to protect the name & brand of the Vineyard. We had some definite philosophical & theological objections. First, it's just flat out wrong to brand or trademark the church. It stinks of consumerism and commercialism. The term "vineyard" has too rich a biblical meaning to try to claim exclusive rights to. Part of the contract would have required us to participate in legal action against other churches or ministries for unauthorized use of "vineyard" in their name. That also flat out wrong. So we stood our ground & were asked to go our way since we didn't want to play nice. Quite frankly, it's a bit of a relief. We feel more free to be who were are now.

4. Thanks to the generosity of our community Lisa & I will be traveling north next month to take part in at Vineyard Central in Norwood, OH. We're really looking forward to that.

an inconvenient truth

Sometimes this gospel thing can be really hard if we stop & consider the implications. Kyle's quote below and this story about a church & the sign below is challenging as well. I've been wondering what would happen if we really took Jesus' words & example at face value & really, truly lived them out.

“You have heard that our ancestors were told, ‘You must not murder. If you commit murder, you are subject to judgment.’ But I say, if you are even angry with someone, you are subject to judgment! If you call someone an idiot, you are in danger of being brought before the court. And if you curse someone, you are in danger of the fires of hell."
- Jesus

"Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud, but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited. Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everybody. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my friends, but leave room for God's wrath, for it is written: "It is mine to avenge; I will repay," says the Lord.
On the contrary:
'If your enemy is hungry, feed him;
if he is thirsty, give him something to drink.
In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.'
Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."
- St. Paul

"For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For it is written: 'I will destroy the wisdom of the wise; the intelligence of the intelligent I will frustrate."
- St. Paul

something to think about

Kyle had some great words of wisdom on his blog & I just had to echo his thoughts here:

I will continue to insist that the only legitimate orientation for the Church in the world is a Eucharistic one: we are the Body of Christ, broken, and the Blood of Christ, poured out so that others might have life. When Christians insist to the broader world that their "rights" (and even social privileges) be respected, we reveal our desire to be the masters of other people, rather than to be broken for their sake, after the calling of Jesus the Christ. Jesus refused to treat enemies like enemies, and did not refuse to be broken at their hands, for their own salvation and healing. We who were enemies of God have been healed and reconciled by the suffering love of God. When we refuse the suffering of love - and the suffering of rejection that is part and parcel with it - we set ourselves up against the divine economy of healing and salvation.

"Conscience is the most secret core and sanctuary of a person.

There we are alone with God, whose voice echoes in our depths."

Gaudium et Spes, #16

"A man of conscience is one who never acquires tolerance, well-being, success, public standing, and approval on the part of prevailing opinion at the expense of the truth."

- John Cardinal Ratzinger (aka Pope Benedict XVI)

Thomas Aquinas taught that a person must always follow his or her conscience, even if it is wrong. Following my conscience has not always been a pleasant thing, in fact it often results in problems and pain. Lisa and I have some strong convictions about things. Sometimes I wish we didn't, but we do and we believe those convictions were put there by God, written on our hearts. We also believe that on those issues of conviction there is no room for compromise or acquiescence.

Following my conscience led me to quite my first job with a wife & new baby at home because I could not continue on staff at a church with a pastor who denied the existence of personal sin.

Following my conscience led me out of the Catholic church because I was/am convinced that God was calling me to minister to the wider body of Christ. To this day, almost 10 years later, there are still former friends that won't speak to us and palpable tension and ackwardness with my family.

Following my conscience led me abandoning my goal of becoming a full time pastor for sitting in a cubicle in a job 50 miles from my homw so I can lead a small group of people in my living room with no plans to grow mmuch beyond that because I'm convinced that God has called me to disciple a few people at a time.

Through it all, at each fork in the road, each tough choice to do what I was convinced was right rather than what was easy or safe, God has always come through for us. I ended up with a better job teaching high school students in a more family-friendly town. I've been able to build bridges between Catholics and Protestants that may never have happened for some individuals on their own and formed close, new friendships in the process. I've experienced financial blessing through promotions, raises & bonuses that I never would have received on a church staff; and gained wonderful new insights into the practicality of the gospel. In each decision the risks were known, but the rewards were hidden until I made the leap of faith. God does not hesitate to bless those who trust in him. In fact, if it weren't for our convictions about birth control (or rather against artificial birth control) we would likely never have had the joy of our three girls in our lives.

I've got another big "follow your conscience" moment confronting me again. I can't go into the details at this time, but maybe I will soon. It's good at times of decision to be able to look back on the past and see the faithfulness of God.

Hog Heaven

It's days like today that make me glad to live in the south. Of course there's the great weather--74-degrees on Jan. 27th--but today was something special. We took part in our first Lakeland Pig Fest. This was the 11th year for the LPF, a regional qualifying event for the Kansas City Invitational BBQ Championships. It was the perfect blend of great food (ribs, chicken, pulled pork & beef brisket sandwiches), the sweet aroma of BBQ (I wish I had a smell-o-vision blog for your benefit) and redneck goodness (NASCAR simulators and bare-chested beer bellies). Here's a sampling of some of the pics I took.

My favorite entertainment moment of the day was this kid playing/singing Johnny Cash's Ring of Fire:

this may be a little korny but...

I've always liked the liturgical calendar & seasons and the cycle of readings used by Catholics & Anglicans including the four week psalter in the liturgy of the hours. I've found that no matter what is going on in my life, somehow those predetermined readings fit in with my life & the world around me. To me this speaks of the wisdom of God and the ebb & flow of the life he's created. I was praying the office tonight, Week 3 - Tues evening prayer, when I noticed these prayers among the intercessions for today.

"O God, in your hands are the hearts of the powerful; bestow your wisdom upon government leaders, may they draw from the fountain of your counsel and please you in thought and deed."

"The talents of artists reflect your splendor, may their work give the world hope and joy."

These are written back-to-back in the office to be prayed on the day of the State of the Union address and the announcement of the Academy Award nominations. Nice coincidence, eh?

Merry Christmas to all!

We've been out of town visiting family so I could blog my Christmas greetings earlier. It's bee quite a Christmas for us/ Clare's been sick since Saturday & running a fever. With the holiday and being out of town we had limited medical resources & didn't want to end up in the ER. Fortunately, we got her in to her pediatrician yesterday. It's made for some sleepless nights. Other than that, it was a good Christmas fo all in the Ponchak household & I hope a good Christmas for you too. Remember, the Christmas season doesn't end on th 25th, it only begins & lasts until the Epiphany on January 6th. So enjoy your 12 days of Christmas.