I've been feeling rather schizophrenic lately, drawn in different directions by different expressions of the faith. This has been stirring in me for some time and has become more pronounced this summer. I'm not really sure what to do about it if anything. I've been reflecting on different spiritual traditions, the positives and negatives, and how I feel/respond to each.
Catholicism
I was born and raised Catholic. I came to know Jesus as a Catholic. I was baptized in the Holy Spirit as a Catholic. I have a degree in theology from a Catholic college. I was married as a Catholic. Two of my daughters were baptized in the Catholic church. Needless to say I have a certain affinity towards Catholicism, but I am no longer a practicing member of the Catholic church. For those unfamiliar with our story Lisa & I left the Catholic church to join the Vineyard in 1996-97 (it was a process). We didn't leave because we were angry or disgruntled, but because we felt God calling us to the Vineyard & the larger Body of Christ. We didn't know if it would be temporary or permanent--and still don't quite frankly.
If you've never been Catholic it may be hard to understand, but there is a deeper identity there than just a denominational affiliation. Being Catholic carries with it a sense of identity in much the same way as being Jewish is more than just holding to a set of religious beliefs & practices. I have found very few, if any, Protestants who can relate to this. As a Catholic you belong to a certain people group, a subculture. Ironically, it is what many in the emerging church are now trying to create in their own communities. The other positive about Catholicism is its inclusiveness. There is a united diversity in any Catholic parish, just like any family. On one hand you may have a charismatic prayer group, on the other a rosary group, but despite their differences there is that deeper sense of belonging that unites in spite of the differences. You don't find this in Protestant churches. We've become too fractured, our diversity is a source of division and resentment. Protestants have managed to form their own denominational clicks that gather similar groups together to the exclusion of others.
Evangelical Protestantism
I'm not sure I've ever really been an evangelical, but I've been living in its culture for about 10 years now. I do believe that having a personal faith is essential, but I don't buy the idea that reciting the Sinner's Prayer is the only way to do that. I am very grateful for the experiences and opportunities I've had within the Vineyard. The emphasis on Kingdom theology and being naturally supernatural has provided a great answer to some of the stranger excessives of charismatic theology/practices. The Reformation was crucial in challenging and correcting various abuses in the Catholic church & likely ultimately lead to the wide-spread changes in the Second Vatican Council. We need to be reminded of the importance of having a personal faith and devotional life, the primacy of scripture and the priesthood of all believers. Within the Vineyard in particular (my experience of evangelicalism) the importance of worship has been a great influence in my life.
Emerging Church/Neo-Monasticism
This is really where we've been at for the last few years. Matthew's House has been an experiment in doing church differently from day one. We've sought to capture some of the simplicity of the early church by meeting in our homes in some informal gatherings. We've helped people detox from churchy religiousness and reconnect with a simple love of Jesus and one another. We've experienced great relationships and treasure everyone we've come in contact with, even those that have decided that our little form of church wasn't for them. We've been able to teach ancient methods of prayer (lectio divina, daily office, etc) and develop a deeper understanding of baptism and eucharist than many had previously. Through the wonders of blogging we've made real friendships with people who share similar passions and ideas. There has been a greater sense of genuineness in our weekly gatherings than in many of my other experiences with church. I deeply love and care for the people who have decided to come along side of us on our own spiritual journey, and have been blown away by the acceptance and openness to new ideas from them. I think there are some definite similarities between what we're doing and what some are calling neo-monasticism--small groups of people committed to sharing a common purpose of life, a common meal & worship, and common values.
Eastern Orthodoxy
My good friend Clive and his wife joined the Orthodox church about 18 months ago. Clive is batting for the cycle having been Catholic (we were college roommates & taught at the same Catholic high school), then left with us to join the Vineyard before making the trek to Orthodoxy. I'll admit that his conversion threw me for a loop initially. I've had limited experiences with Orthodox liturgies which I considered painfully dull and Spirit-less. Like many I had a prejudiced view of Orthodoxy as backward & overly ethnic in its nature. Clive has helped chip away at those perceptions. I've spent time looking at Orthodox theology and am very drawn to it. I love their embrace of the mystery of God and their authentic historical connection to the early church. The OCA (Orthodox Church in America) is a English-speaking, ethnically neutral expression of the faith. They are attracting evangelicals in large numbers--there was even an entire Vineyard congregation in CA that converted. Unfortunately, there are no OCA churches in Lakeland and with commuting 2-3 hours a day during the week I'm not up to another long commute on the weekend to visit an OCA parish. I would like to see what their liturgies are like sometime.
Franciscanism
Lisa & I both attended the Franciscan University of Steubenville (OH). For four years we were surrounded by Franciscan priests and Franciscan spirituality. We both became members of the Secular Franciscan Order--Lisa permanently professed & I finished my noviate year before graduating. We have always felt a closeness to Francis and his simple example of following Jesus (heck we named Clare after Clare of Assisi, Francis' friend & companion). I often still wear my Franciscan TAU cross. We have tried to live our lives in accord with Franciscan values. Of course, part of the Franciscan spiritual feeds back into some of the Catholic qualities I mentioned previously.
I guess I'll end things for there now by bring things around full circle. I'll try to post some of my critiques of some of these traditions soon. There's certainly a ying-yang effect that pulls me in one direction then pushes me away again. I'm not really sure what I'm getting at with this post. I think that right now there's a stirring and longing within me for something, but I'm not sure what that is yet.
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5 comments:
Tom,
Wow, thanks for writing and posting this. I knew some of this, of course, from the conversations during the time we spent at Creech's back in March, but this really helps me to "know" you better. Your journey has been rich and diverse, and of course, there are many similarities and commonalities with out stories, most notably the Vineyard, and the Catholic Church.
Though I am a convert and not a "cradle Catholic" as you, I so resoanted with your paragraph on the deeper Catholic identity that is hard for Protestants to understand. I have discovered this so much in the months leading up to, and especially since my conversion. Yeah, you are totally on the mark with those observations. In fact, you articulate so well--better than I have thus far been able to do--what I have been wanting to say about this very issue.... Would you mind if I quoted you on my blog?
Also, with regards to your remakrs regarding Eastern Orthodoxy.... I wish I could say that my expereince of Orthodoxy has been substantially different from your own since I think the Orthodox have it right theologically on much.... But sadly, I can't say that. I to have experienced the backwardness caused by the intense and opaque (to anyone outside) ethnicity. Also, in my encounters with most Orthodox, sadly, I have expereinced a level of triumphalism unmatched in any other group I have encountered. If that isn't a HUGE turn off.... The lone exception to this has been a family that I have become acquainted with who are OCA.
Sadly, I have been told that within Orthodoxy the OCA is often viewed with derision and as "lesser". Perhaps in part because they tend to not be so ethnically bound?
Peace to you
A - Thanks for the kind words. I think you may be right about the way other Orthodox view the OCA. My friend Clive told me that an Orthodox priest once told him that Orthodox was the right faith, but given to the wrong people. I also know what you mean about the ultra-triumphalism that you can encounter in Orthodox circles.
Oh boy! Once again, we breath each other's air Tom. Thanks for putting this out there in writing. I echo much, if not all of it, as I'm sure you mostly know. It's an odd place to find yourself. I wonder how many other people have journeys like yours and mine - it really would be interesting to know. You are honestly the ONLY other person I know who has "left" the Catholic Church much as I did - not for really a negative reason - and still loves it, feels identity with it, etc.
Looking forward to more posts. Pax vobiscum.
I was baptized and raised as a nominal Catholic. I had my conversion outside the Catholic Church. I grew in non-denominational and charismatic circles. I was ready to leave the Catholic Church. I went on a 3 day Ignation style retreat (went to a Jesuit University). I heard the Lord loudly say to stay. I had a temper tantrum. But the Eucharist is what kept me in the Catholic Church. Yes, it is not perfect. But the rich history of the Saints and the sacraments keep me fed and growing.
You are right, you can leave the Cathoic Church, but you cannot leave being Catholic. It stays in you. I have had friends who converted to another faith tradition and they always miss something about the church.
Will pray that God will let you know what this tugging is at your heart.
Thank you, Wonderful, insightful comments and confessions. I just discovered your weblog through Alan Creech and look forward to sharing your good stuff as a regular diet!
Roger
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